My Grandmother

I'm almost finished with my second glass of muscadine wine, and have just in the last half hour finished listening to a podcast on Witchy Living. It covered mostly ancestral veneration, and a small portion was on beginners spell casting.

It was the first podcast that also incorporated live chat on the Witchy Living forum, and I must say it was a lot of fun. I plan on catching more podcasts/chats in the future.

The show tonight inspired me to start thinking about my own ancestors and the experiences I've had with them. There are three main experiences, specifically. And all of them very poignant. It was within these experiences that I realized just how close and accessible and THERE my ancestors are. It's almost an overwhelming feeling, but a very cozy and comfortable feeling as well. But who comes to mind most poignantly when speaking of my ancestors, is the only grandmother (or grandparent, for that matter) that I ever knew.

She passed on when I was in the second grade, so my memories of her are few vivid and many clouded. I remember when I was little and we would drive up to visit her every weekend, I would jump out of my parent's vehicle and literally run to her as fast as I could. I loved her very much.

My grandmother had quiet a bit of Native American in her appearance, too. I believe she must have been 1/8th. As I studied a little of my Cherokee heritage over the years after her passing, and came to recognize certain physical features of the lineage, I began to notice even more of the heritage in her through a small framed picture I have of her. It's been on my bedroom dresser as long as I can remember, and I look at it everyday. Knowing that our heritage was so strong in her, it inspired me to be respectful to it and to take great pride in it.

What is so astounding to me, is how many times I've 'seen' her in person throughout the years. What I mean, is that I've seen her in other people. When I worked at the local newspaper, I was standing on the back balcony taking a smoke break, and from there I had a view of the front entrance of the municipal building. One day, which was a gray cloudy drizzly day, and one day after having dreamed of her, I saw an elderly lady with black hair and the same height and build as my grandmother walk into that building. I watched from the time she came into view until she disappeared into that building, and was absolutely astounded by what I'd just witnessed. I truly thought for many moments that I was witnesses my deceased grandmother walking in this world. Along with this moment, came one of the strongest, embracing chills I'd ever experienced. I couldn't move for several moments. I literally wanted to run over there and make this woman turn around just to prove that I wasn't imagining that event unfold. But I knew what I was seeing, and it made me both happy and to hurt at the same time, because I was happy that my grandmother had made contact with me, even in a small way, and sad that I was able to physically embrace her one last time.

Many more of these encounters have happened numerous times over the years. I would see her in other people, and would become awestruck. The most recent time happened just a few days ago. And what was so incredible about this time was that I was seeing her in a black woman! This lady was a guest at the hotel I work in and this was also the first time I'd ever had a chance to speak to someone who I'd recognized my grandmother in. She was a very sweet lady, and I swear it! that she was the black version of my passed grandmother! I managed to converse with her naturally, but the entire time, I wanted so badly to tell her she reminded me SO much of my deceased grandmother! I refrained though, because I thought for sure this black lady would think this white girl was out of her mind for saying such a thing!

There was another time that my grandmother came to me, but that time was much more magical to me. It was during a Samhain gathering, and she was one of the ancestors that came to stand near me. I was new to these ways, and so I just sort of opened myself and the occasion up to anyone that had passed before me, that was willing to come. One of these was of course my grandmother, and honestly, I was a bit surprised that she wasn't more disapproving than what she was. I mean, she didn't seem to agree with what was going on, but she didn't feel to be scalding me in any way either. I think she understood that I just wanted to feel her presence again, in a way that was nothing but respectful and honoring of her.

I don't have a shrine to any of my ancestors, but I guess if you wanted to, you could call my dresser the permanent shrine to my paternal grandmother. Her picture has been placed there for YEARS, probably ever since I was about thirteen, and she has been placed there again and again after several moves. That is HER place. Nothing else belongs there but her. And that's the way intend it to say through many more years.